Personal Reflections on Complex PTSD

My name is Rebecca. I have Complex PTSD from childhood emotional abuse and neglect, which left me afraid of exposing to the world what I knew to be true: I was not enough in any way, an imposter in my own life.

After years of hard work in therapy I have reached a point where CPTSD no longer defines who I am or how I face the world. By any objective measures I am successful: a technology professional in a loving marriage.

Those of us with CPTSD too often feel judged and misunderstood. We are a community of survivors, and yet we were conditioned to suffer silently and alone. I am changing my part in that silence: I am turning my back on the shame that never belonged to me, speaking out, and sharing deeply personal experiences because the impacts of CPTSD need to be exposed and understood.

Deep inside of me there is a dark sadness that never goes away. I am still susceptible to triggers that can cause me to spiral. I did not choose to experience decades of trauma, and I refuse to be ashamed of the effects. I refuse to remain silent.